“How Do I Forgive You”

My struggles and my sins,
My love versus my passion,
Do I keep her out or let her all the way in,
Am I ever going to learn to forgive when I’ve never been,
Forgiven,
Soul, mind, and heart earth driven,
Is it possible to do better while livin’?
Spiritual faith ridden,
Blood sweating, leaking out my mouth spittin’,
Off written,
On love never quittin’,
Personally forbidden,
Despite forcing my face to be hidden,
Exposed, humiliated, but they say I’ve risen,
Seclusion,
But then I broke out of my mental hurt, physical pain – prison, 
Only to be sent back over and over and over again for I wouldn’t listen,
Every wound accumulated cut with precision,
Time for a decision, 
I needed wisdom,
Yet that requires me to be open,
I live in a depressive state and my city breeds emotions,
Judged by actions and critiqued by your motions,
How do you fix what is so very broken?
How do you relate when it is unspoken?
My pain, my hurt, my tears, my lies, my tears, my omens,
Daily, hourly copin’,
Voice is cracking and dry I’m out here chokin’,
Sorrows I’m soaked in,
Unattractive to all when they see how your eyes are so swollen,
To endure no more and end it all – I have a notion,
I need time away so I drifted to another coast’s ocean,
Entrenched hoping to find the magic potion,
I love you deeply enough to never forget you and keep focus on that devotion,
At times I get frozen, 
Hollow inside and out – I know what’s missing, I know what’s stolen,
Feeling so unneeded, unwanted, and un-chosen,
Still don’t know how to forgive you in closin’……..

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